


We're Only Notifications Through A Screen

by nctinee



Category: NCT (Band), SuperM
Genre: I Made Myself Cry, I take several digs at SM's shitty treatment, Idols, Long-Distance Friendship, Mark Lee POV, Mark is deep in his Dreamie feelings, Sad Mark Lee (NCT), Sad with a Happy Ending, The Dream Show Day3, fluffy at the end, i still don't know what angst is but imma say this is angsty, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21541555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nctinee/pseuds/nctinee
Summary: Super M was the worst and best thing that happened.He gets to perform and make music for fans across the globe that love him, but he gets taken away from his family at the same time.Alternatively: When Mark can't sleep and looks at The Dream Show Day3 tag on Twitter, 7,000 miles away
Relationships: Mark Lee & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 220





	We're Only Notifications Through A Screen

**Author's Note:**

> :')))))))))))

Super M was the worst and best thing that happened.

He got to make more music, perform more, meet so many new fans and do what he wanted to do most in the world. He has friends and family by his side, supporting him and cheering him on. He got to see the U.S again with Taeyong, and got to experience it again with Ten and Kai, Yukhei, Baekhyun, and Taemin. He's already had so much fun on and off stage, on and off camera, and he can't wait to experience new things.

But...

It was also a nightmare.

He was tired constantly. Because they were moving from plane, to bus, to car, to venue, to hotel, back to plane, he was utterly _exhausted_. The 127 tour had only ended a few months ago, thus beginning the Super M promotions, reality show recordings, mini series recordings, and basic vocal and dance practice. It was so much, but at the same time, felt like nothing at all.

He was used to this. It wasn't anything new really. Last year, when NCT 2018 was happening, he had to jump from 127 to Dream to U in a matter of seconds, but he was with the same people, and everything was familiar to him.

Now he's been thrown new thing after new thing after slightly new thing, with no time in between. Wash, rinse, repeat.

If there was anyone that was just as tired as he was, it would be Ten. The guy works himself to the bone, plus all of the stress the company puts on him. Being in WayV, doing shows in China, moving from newly debuted group to rookie group and back again has really frazzled Ten, and Mark is honestly scared for him.

But he's used to this. They both are. Taeyong and Yukhei are. It's not new. It's something he knew would happen. He wishes he could have more time, but he doesn't. That's just how it is.

There's only _one_ thing. _One thing_ , he wishes he could change. 

November 17th. Today.

Mark is in DC. 

Missing his friends' first concert.

It's 2 a.m. when their car pulls up to the hotel, the seven sleepy guys trudging out of the car and into the hotel while their managers get all of their bags and equipment. Yukhei is the only one that looks semi awake, and even then, his eyes are drooping pretty badly. Taemin and Baekhyun are leaning on each other while Taeyong and Kai are both in their own worlds, eyes glazed over. Ten looks good, as always, but he's pretty much dead on his feet.

Mark, surprisingly, gets his own room this time while everyone else has to have a roommate. He's glad, because he can finally have space to breath without managers watching his every move and the older members coddling him every second. It's nice to be alone, just himself, his music, cereal, and some YouTube.

Taeyong wishes him goodnight just as he's heading into his own room, Taemin ruffles his hair, and Yukehi gives him a high five as they all exchange 'goodnight's and 'see you in the morning's, all planning to sleep as long as possible to be prepared for the rough prep day ahead of them.

Mark's bags are already in his room, courtesy of the staff, and he doesn't even bother to kick off his shoes before he flops himself onto the bed. He can feel his muscles immediately relax into the soft fabric, eyes closing and long sigh leaving his mouth as he's finally allowed a few hours to be alone.

Eventually he takes his shoes off, changes into his pajamas (sweats and a t-shirt), and plugs in all the essential electronics before jumping into bed and burrowing himself under the blankets. He's comfy and at peace, not paying attention to any of the looming thoughts of practice in a few hours.

He tries to sleep. He really does. But there's something. One teeny tiny little thought that keeps working its way to the front of his mind. He tosses and turns, but nothing seems to shake it away. 

He turns his head and looks at the clock, which shows him that it's around 4:45 a.m., and he wants to cry. He doesn't feel tired, but his mind is absolutely drained. He doesn't sleep on the one day he really really needs it, and he knows the staff is going to be pissed. Maybe the members and the fans will get mad, but that's the least of his worries.

He lays there and contemplates his options for a bit, and ultimately comes to the conclusion that he's not going to get sleep any time soon so he might as well go on his phone.

Ever since he left Dream, the younger members pestered him a lot more over text and in person to get his attention than when he was in the group, so getting over 10 text messages from each younger boy was expected.

But Mark, for some reason, was dreading opening up his messages app to see what the boys had sent him. Maybe it was because Mark knew he shouldn't have been on his phone. Maybe it was because he wanted to sleep and his eyes were screaming at him. Maybe it was because if he looked at those messages and saw how happy each of them were, Mark would get emotional as hell and get nostalgic over his past.

But he opened them anyways.

Jeno had sent him one single message that day, just before the concert started. It was a short and sweet "NCT Dream fighting!!" and he doesn't think he's ever gotten a sweeter message from Jeno.

Renjun hadn't sent anything (it was expected. He always got nervous before a show), Chenle had sent a selfie of him and Jisung backstage with "Wish us luck hyung~!!", and Jaemin had sent him a bunch of green hearts and kissy emojis. All of this was to be expected from his friends, and he felt comfort with the familiarity of it all.

All Donghyuck's said was, "Wish you were here" 

He never gets that from Donghyuck.

Mark blanks out for a bit, and when he comes back to the real world the digital clock says 5 a.m. 

He wants to go on Twitter, Instagram, _something_. But he can't bring himself to do it. All it is right now is painful.

His SuperM managers told him to sign out of the NCT 127 Twitter and Instagram, just so it was less confusing for him when he was posting updates, but all it felt like to him was a slap in the face. The managers meant well, yeah, but if he signed out he feared it would feel like he was an outsider in his own home, with his _family_. That's what it felt like with Dream, anyway.

He follows all of NCT's accounts on his personal Twitter though, and he really _really_ wants to look, even though he should be sleeping.

He's never been the smartest dude in the room and there's no one there to stop him, so he says fuck it an opens up Twitter.

And he's surprised.

The Dream Show has been going on for two days, but he hasn't had time to look at social media or check all the text messages because of his own concert and practices that he needs to focus on.

Johnny had sent him a Boom performance video from the concert, but that was all he really saw. He heard whispers here and there, but he didn't see anything from the concert.

So when his feed is full of Dream Show videos with Renjun and Jaemin and—God _damn_ , that's _Jisung_ on the floor—Mark is immediately hit with tons of emotions.

He sits up in bed and reads the messages Jaemin and Jeno write out, saying that they don't know when they'll see czennies again, but that they'll always be together. Mark doesn't know what will happen to them either, and he's pissed that his two friends are given such uncertain positions. They've worked for years for this, and for them to not know where they're going next is maddening to Mark. Why is he the one who gets to debut four times as his teammates sit and wait for their time to shine?

He sees the video of Renjun giving his speech about moving on, and he _almost_ cries as he watches Donghyuck wrap his arms around the other, Renjun crying into his shoulder. It's jarring to see Renjun crying so hard because Mark doesn't think he's seen the other like that before. Renjun is all about hiding his feelings in actions and teasing gestures, but to see him cry so openly really shows Mark how much this has impacted him.

There's the video of Jaemin singing along with the crowd with red and puffy eyes, Jeno ripping his shirt (Mark promises himself to never watch that again), Chenle and Jisung doing their little bit in Best Friend, and... Oh God.

He finally sees the video everyone has been screaming about, the one he's been absolutely dreading.

(He faintly hears a few knocks on his door, but Mark is much too paralyzed to do anything about it, much less answer.)

Mark watches with teary eyes and pursed lips as Donghyuck talks about the Dream members and gets hugged by Chenle and Jeno, and the tears finally start falling when he sees Donghyuck say he misses him and starts crying himself. 

Donghyuck is his best friend. They're attached at the hip and they do everything together, so when Mark first heard about SuperM, he hated it. He didn't want to be taken away from the family he's known for so long, didn't want to be taken away from the boy with a beautiful voice and bright personality. Donghyuck made Mark so happy, but he always seemed to make Donghyuck sad.

(The knocking gets a little more insistent, but Mark can't hear it over the blood rushing in his ears.)

He cries harder when he sees Jisung on the floor, sobbing after what Donghyuck said about Mark. It's so so heartbreaking, and Mark hates everything right now. Jisung is like his _baby_ , Mark feels like he raised the boy himself. But he couldn't be there for them. He couldn't sit in the stands with all the other NCTzens and cry with them because he was here, on _tour_. 

He feels like he's drowning in the guilt of him not being there to comfort his brothers and tell them that it's okay. He feels so pathetic, sat up in bed with snot and tears streaming down his face, body shaking with sobs that he doesn't bother to quiet. His phone is still on, the "Watch again" message bright and glaring at him, and he feels like he's going to be sick.

He picks up his phone and throws it somewhere hopefully far away from him and just as he hears it thud on the floor his room is flooded with light, eight or nine people crowding around the entrance. Mark can't hear over his sobs and see through his tears but he feels a pair or arms wrapped around him, rocking him slowly. His head gets tucked under that person's chin, fingers rubbing circles on his back. He feels safe and warm in whoever's arms, but he can't for the life of him get the guilty and sad thoughts out of his head.

It takes him a while to calm down, sobs turning to sniffles as Taeyong (his arms gave him away, strong and stable motherfucker) rubs his back. Yukhei is sat next to Mark, holding one of his hands while Ten kneels on the floor in front of the bed, holding his other hand. 

"What time is it?" Mark whispers, voice scratchy and quivering.

"Early enough Mark. They're postponing practice for now so you don't have to worry. Now what's up?" Taeyong murmurs, deep voice wrapping around Mark like a blanket.

He doesn't want to admit why he was crying to them, it seems so pathetic in his eyes and he can't help but think that they'll make fun of him. He knows they won't, but it's a voice he's had with him all his life.

"Last day of the Dream Show. And Donghyuck—" Mark cuts off, eyes snapping shut as his eyes well up with tears again.

He hears Ten coo and shuffle up from the floor, feeling his arms wrap around himself and Taeyong. Yukhei giggles and does the same, the four making a giant cuddle pile of love.

Mark doesn't like skinship, but he loves the feeling of Taeyong nuzzling into his hair, Yukhei squeezing his hand and Ten giving him butterfly kisses. He feels soft and so loved by the other three, but he can't help but want other pairs of arms wrapped around him and comforting him.

He sends the Dreamies a voice message when their concert is about to start, full of giggles and 'I miss you toos'. He doesn't get a reply by the time he's called to the stage but it's expected because of the time difference.

The concert goes fine and fans go wild over the performances, and Mark basks in the bright lights on his skin. He wishes the Dreamies were here with them, mind remembering the last time it was just the seven of them on stage. He doesn't cry on stage, but he lets a few tears fall once he's backstage getting ready to head back to the hotel and pack up again for another move.

Mark only pays attention to the heart Donghyuck sends in reply to the voice message.

When he gets back to the dorms, he doesn't hesitate in barging into the Dream dorm and smothering Jisung with hugs. He doesn't complain like he usually does when someone cuddles him, only burying his head in Mark's shoulder and tightening his arms around the elders body.

Donghyuck laughs when Mark barges into his room, only to shut up when Mark whispers, "I missed you too Hyuck-ah," into his hair. 

Donghyuck feels like home, all beautiful and happy and here, loving Mark like he's never loved anyone before.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by daehwisdays's artwork on Instagram. I was pretty emo when I saw all the Dream Show shit happening and I was *not* okay. This was totally me spilling my feelings and making myself sad. 
> 
> And if you think this is sad? Imagine getting a different ending, one where it ends with Mark crying in the hotel room... Yeah, be glad you got this. I had the draft, I really did.
> 
> Leave some kudos for Markhyuck y'all, they the real mvps
> 
> Comments also help me with writing, y'all have no idea how motivating they are *sparkling eyes emoji*


End file.
